One of the things I'm going to do in following the No Thin Jesus series is to define different versions of a "thin" Jesus. The first will be the "thin" Jesus that I've followed for a lot of my life; Republican Jesus. The Republican Jesus is basically the one who is pretty harsh. He is the one who is known as being anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage. He really only cares about getting people into heaven not too much on what we do during the rest of our life as long as we don't have illicit sex, curse or vote for a Democrat. He also doesn't care much about the arts and wants us to only listen to Christian music. The Republican Jesus cares about whether we smoke or drink but doesn't care about the abundance of church potlucks and other gluttonness behavior.
Salvation for the Republican Jesus means going forward and saying a prayer. After that the Republican Jesus expects you to read the Prayer of Jabez and the Left Behind series. From that point a follower of the Republican Jesus will equate the Israili flag with the American flag and will only see the side of Israel. They believe that Palenstinian people need to leave Israel and that God is directing America to help Israel have the Old Testament borders. The Republican Jesus focuses on His second coming and doesn't teach much on helping the poor. The tithe check covers that so nothing else is really needed.
The Republican Jesus also cares only about the Christians on the winnng team of the Super Bowl. He cannot survive without athletes and celebrities who follow Him. He really needs some big-time pastors to get on TV to help Him elect people who follow exactly what God wants them to. If anyone deviates then a vote for the person who is a true believer is required. It doesn't matter if that vote helps to put someone else in office who is even worse. The follower of the true Republican Jesus will vote for Joe Rightwing instead of Rudy Giuliani even if it means Hillary Clinton wins. Then that follower will spend the next 4-8 years hating Hillary.
Regretfully, my "Thin Jesus" is pretty close to what I've believed and followed for a lot of my life. Obviously, that's not the real Jesus. The next "Thin Jesus" to be examined will be the "Progressive Jesus".
Posted by Tim at June 28, 2007 12:39 AM
