How to Write Mediocre Worship Songs

[Note from Garth: After receiving a kind email from Bob Kilpatrick, singer/songwriter and author of the original list of how to write mediocre worship songs, I wanted to clarify that I found part of his article in the Wichita Eagle and then freely adapted his points for this blog entry. Some of the wording is Bob's, but much of it is my interpretation and attempt to be a bit satirical. This might be a good case study on intellectual property rights. Are bloggers free to quote and/or morph someone else's work and post it as I have done, giving credit where credit is due, but not seeking permission first? Let me know below. Thanks. GT]

I used to scratch my head whenever a worship chorus fell flat at church. I would try to sing it. I would try to meditate on the words. But more often than not, many of these so-called worship songs just didn't do anything for me. And I wondered, is it me? Am I too critical or are the songs just really that bad?

It was with great relief and a chuckle that I came across some Sound Advice from Brent Castillo (adapting a list by Bob Kilpatrick) on what goes into creating a great mediocre worship chorus. I finally had a checklist to go by and realized that, no, it wasn't me. Many songs that pass for praise choruses today are just plain lame.

Couldn't help but laugh during worship this past week when I ran a few of the less-memorable songs down the checklist. Yep. Out of the 10 or so rules for mediocre songwriting, the Sunday snoozers showcased at least 5 of them.

If you're a nascent songwriter or just an over-eager parishioner, simply follow these guidelines* as you craft your next chorus. Be careful though. Sunday worship may always be the same. Ready?

10 Rules on How to Write Mediocre Worship Songs

1. Start with a melody that sounds like another melody. Especially effective if modeled on another mediocre melody. Make sure you change it just enough to avoid lawsuits.

2. Add some odd chords to make up for the derivative melody. If in the key of C, try throwing in a C#maj7, B6, and F#m combination.

3. Feel free to invent new song structures. Chorus, chorus, chorus, chorus can always substitute for verse, chorus, verse, chorus. But be sure to substitute the words Father, Jesus, and Spirit so the song has variety.

4. Borrow lyric ideas often. Songs that refer to "amazing grace" and "king of majesty" are often good starting points.

5. Use a lot of Christian-sounding phrases. Here are a few to consider: I just want to thank you, glory hallelujah, sing praises, come let us worship, and He lifts me up.

6. Try to say more than one thing in your song. In fact, say three or four things. Wander from idea to idea. Start by singing about your past sinful life, then move on to how wonderful nature is, then sing about the people of God and end up at the Second Coming.

7. Talk to God and about God in the same song. Better if it's in the same line. For example: "We love you Lord, for He's the best Lord there is."

8. Mix and match your metaphors. Let rivers run over the mountains in your song. Let the hand of God rain down on you. Let the applause of our hearts go up like a fragrance.

9. Give the song a title that is not in the lyric. Obtuse or esoteric sounding titles are good. One-word titles or nature-related ones are also well-received. For example, anything that shouts "You" or mentions "Mountains, Wind and Sky" work well.

10. And finally: Never, ever rewrite your song after the first draft. Taking time to craft your song demonstrates a lack of faith. If you hit a lyrical block, use phrases like "really want to" and "great and mighty" and "hallelujah" to get you going again.

Well, chorus-writers, should I include any other rules to make mediocre magic? Let me know. Or feel free to post a lyric in the comment section and we can evaluate it for you. :-) Lots of luck!

Reflecting on Ephesians 5:19,20
GT

* These guidelines are somewhat modified from singer/songwriter Bob Kilpatrick's original tongue-in-cheek list which was first published in a 2004 issue of Christian Musician. If offended, the fault falls to me. For truly helpful songwriting tips, visit Bob Kilpatrick's website and read How To Write A Really Good Song.

Posted by Garth at October 24, 2005 09:10 PM